TAINTED HEARTS is really two books melded into one. It never started out that way but like my play, REGRETS, it is unconventional. The original idea came to me when I was living in San Francisco. For me, one of the most difficult aspects of a gay life was the fact that I would never have my own child. Sure, there were other options but it wasn’t the same. When I did think about the possibilities of having my own child, I always thought I’d be in a relationship. I always told my friends that if they ever wanted to have a baby to let me know. As I thought about the circumstances, I began to envision the story that is now known as TAINTED HEARTS. So why is it unconventional? It’s not the subject matter but how the novel is written. I decided to make the focus of the first several chapters about Matt’s life and his acceptance that he is gay. My hope is that the reader understands him, his life, his beliefs, and his values and will relate to what he goes through before he finally decides to end his torment and accept that he is gay. This story isn’t just for a gay reader. I intended others to read it and gain an insight into what it is like to live a life of lies and how one feels when he is denying who he really is. So you see, after the first chapter, the murder mystery doesn't immediately unfold but delves into character development. I spent a lot of time writing about Matt's experiences so the reader understands who he is and what he goes through before accepting that he's gay. I want the reader to really understand Matt and appreciate the life he has led up to the point where it changes drastically. The book takes on another focus after Matt finds the love of his life, Ryan. Also at this time is where my creativity really kicked in and I began to write about the murders that take place. The idea that someone so close to you would do anything for love and a perfect life is what compelled me to write about deception and murder. Writing this book was extremely cathartic and exciting. There were days when I had no idea what I would write about and then all of a sudden a rush of words and scenes would pop into my head. I still have no idea where it originated. Our minds are truly incredible things. I like to think that I developed my imagination when I was a child. I remember making up all kinds of things, including games to play with my nieces and nephews. Even now, I am still surprised at the things that enter my consciousness. Just about all the references to places (like Sydney, Europe, and San Francisco) in the book are based on real experiences. For the most part, I was able to recall the sites and sounds of these locations when I was writing. It was like taking another vacation back to these fabulous cities. I am sure people will ask me about how true the characters are to people I dated or I’ve known. I can only say that there are pieces of everybody I know in each character but no one character represents anyone I know. I hope you enjoy the book! Let me know what you think as I always appreciate feedback.
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